Life gets better

In the past two years I have felt so unsatisfied with my accomplishments. I felt so uncomfortable with my age and what I had to it. However, I'm learning not to be too hard on myself. 

From a very young age all I wanted to be was a writer, I love journalism and prose, it's my happy place. At the age of 16 I made a goal; the deal I made with myself doesn't seem very farfetched; to a 16 year old than it does to a 23 year old. The goal was to be working at a prestige fashion magazine, and have one book published. I missed the deadline– oh I missed it and I'm still not close to it. But I'm on my way, what I didn't realise at the tender innocent age of 16, was how much life would crash into me. Who knew I had to get an 'ordinary' job, because how else was I going to pay my bills? Who knew, I was going to stop writing for months at a time because my muse had gone walkies? 

My expectations of myself to achieve were so high, that when I failed, my failure was felt so deep it gave me anxiety. I would constantly compare myself to people who I read up online, ex-school mates I cyber-stalked because they all seemed to be having a better career than me. It's human nature to compare yourself to others, but you've got to learn where to draw the line. For me I couldn't draw that line, I would feel a bottomless jealously to those who were my age and achieved more. 

The more I dug into my self-esteem the deeper I went into my depression. What was I doing wrong? Why was everyone else doing better than me? These questions buzzed through my head– but I could never answer them. I became this person I didn't want to know anymore, working at a job I hated with a passion. I wasn't writing. I wasn't smiling. 

Then it came to me, if I wanted change in my life I had to make it myself. That was it. It seems very point blank, right? But I didn't see it, I guess I was waiting for someone to invest in me, instead of me investing in myself. 

This year has been my metamorphosis year, I'm transforming from one entity to another. From growing up, dealing with problems within myself, to breakups, you name it. 

 I'm still setting myself goals, but when they happen it's up to me. How hard I can push myself outside the box, is also up to me. What I'm learning is to take each day as they come, handle them with care and effort. When you need to apply some pressure go ahead, but don't be too hard on yourself when life hands you a few lemons. 

Believe in yourself because you are, your number one supporter. Life gets better. Promise.